Find Your Pleasure: Letting Go to Open Doors

Today I want to talk about inhibitions, specifically in regard to masturbation.

For some of you, the thought of masturbation may totally freak you out—maybe you’ve been conditioned to think that God will strike you down or that you’ll go blind. Maybe you think it’s dirty or it takes away pleasure from your partner

Please make space in your mind for these things, but always know that YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS! Masturbation is natural and fun!

First of all, I want to tell you that the power of positive thinking is very real, and it goes a long way when it comes to our sexual explorations. Begin your self-love exploration with a sense of wonder, curiosity and enthusiasm. These are all positive traits that will go a long way in many other areas of your life. Try your best to banish self-judgment and silence negative voices. 

A few more tips:

·       Check in with yourself. Are you in the right frame of mind? Make sure you are before your adventure–take a bubble bath, have a glass of wine, or watch an erotic video to get you in the mood. 

·       Keep an open mind. Masturbation is fun because it can open up doors for us. Be willing to go wherever the experience takes you.

·       Get rid of those expectations – don’t put pressure on yourself, and don’t have a goal in mind. If you are aiming to have an earth-shattering, squirting orgasm, you might set yourself up for disappointment. 

Pleasure doesn’t just depend on good technique, a fantastic sexy toy, or the perfect position. Your emotions and psychological state play a big role in your experience of sex and masturbation, and for your pleasure.

Ideally, immerse yourself in your own experience and ignore the rest of the world for the time being–forget about the bills, the kids, the work schedule, and your other stressors. These are just annoying little mind burrowers that only serve one purpose: burrowing into your mind! Let all of it just sit in the background while you bring your focus to your body and your sexual connection to your own mind. Schedule those little gremlin mind burrowers for later.

The more in touch you are with your body and the more sexually confident you feel, the better all kinds of sex will be. Of course, I have book suggestions:

Getting Off: A Woman’s Guide to Masturbation if you’re a woman;

Do it Yourself: The Complete Guide to Masturbation if you’re a guy. 

Other helpful resources include Sex For One: The Joy of Selfloving and the DVD Betty Dodson’s Bodysex Workshop.

Sometimes, you can be mentally ready, but you’re not in the same place physically. Your body may need some time to catch up with your brain, and that is okay. For example, your back could be bothering you and you can’t get comfortable. That’s okay. We all experience discomfort or pain at some point.

If you are not aroused, stimulation and penetration can be uncomfortable (or even painful) because your body isn’t ready yet. Always listen to your body. Lube can help. Overall, never try to rush the arousal process. Remember that the more revved up your engine is, the easier it will be to find the right buttons to push and the better it will feel when you stimulate those buttons.

When you begin, remember: no one is timing you and this is not a test. Remind yourself that this is a fun, fact-finding mission, one that won’t necessarily end in orgasm. And that’s okay.

Start your masturbation journey with a very positive outlook and everything else will just follow. You’ll then find you’ll learn more about yourself, your preferences, and what you want from your partner. Happy wanking!

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