Find the Mistress of Your Dreams

In this article, I’m going to give you some tips on how to find someone to dominate you. I’m going to be referring to dominants as “Dommes” and using the female pronoun, but you can use the information in this article to find male or gender neutral playmates as well.

It can be a long process trying to find the perfect mistress, but with patience, it can be done. Here are some steps you can take if you’re ready to find someone to serve.

Visit FetLife and Twitter

These are pretty much the last remaining sites left that allow kink since Tumblr pretty much bit the dust for adult content. But, Twitter still allows people to post dirty stuff, at least for now. Fetlife is exclusively for the dirty-minded and (almost) anything goes there. I recommend signing up for both sites if you haven’t already. They’re both free.

Get on there and fill out your profile and put some information about yourself. On Fetlife, you can join groups based on your interests. On Twitter, you can search for hashtags based on your interests. Just type something like #findom in the Twitter search bar and you’ll come up with all kinds of stuff.


Can’t stress this point enough. If you’ve come across a profile that looks appealing, do yourself a huge favor and read through everything that Mistress has posted. All Dommes prefer intelligent subs, and trust me, if you don’t read carefully, you might piss them off and blow your chance.

Go through their post history. See who they’re friends with. Google them and see if they have any additional sites. Do your research.

Get to know yourself

The most important step in finding your Domme is to know thyself. The only way to do that is by exploring your interests. There are also online tests you can take, or you can talk to someone whose expertise is teasing out fetishes. And if you can’t find someone to do that, then I recommend you contact me on Niteflirt. If you’re too shy to speak on the phone, we can chat, which is only .69 a volley. When you type something and I respond, that’s a volley! You only pay if I respond. 

Approach respectfully

Let’s say you do find the perfect Mistress. She’s taking applicants and she’s into the same things you are. Great! 

When you contact her, call her by her preferred name, and if you can’t find it, ask. Mistresses want to know you’re not just sending out mass messages, so personalize your message to her. For example, “Good evening, Mistress B,” or something along those lines will work just fine.

Make sure your message is succinct, polite and well-written (it helps, so just try your best). Ask how she is doing and then get to the point. Even if she is not taking applicants, a polite message still goes a long way.

Follow through

So you found someone. Again, great! Make sure you follow through. If she asks you to fill out an application (most Mistresses do), make sure you spend time on it and fill it out completely and thoughtfully. Get it back to her, and if she agrees to schedule a session, go ahead and book and follow through, even though you may be nervous.

Dealing with first time jitters

It can be nerve-wracking meeting someone for the first time, especially if you want to impress that person. Just remember that when you show up, you’ll be doing something you *both* want to do. Right before you show up, stretch your arms out and suck in a great big breath of air and tell yourself you’ll do fine. This is called the “winner’s stretch” and people do it all the time before speeches to get a little boost of confidence.

Now, get in there, have fun, and don’t forget to send me a message and tell me how it went for you.

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